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Thank you, weird wombat thing and smartass robot, for being my true loves. Like Mario, Master Chief is here so we don't give all the gamers arthritis from typing hate.
Don't get us wrong, he's cool and his design is perfectly sci-fi. Halo Infinite looks rad, and Halo as a whole is undeniably one of the best sci-fi shooters out there.
Is there a video game character that strikes more joy upon sight alone than Kirby? The rosy-cheeked chunky boy has been keeping his home world of Planet Popstar safe for decades now, which is worth a big hug or something.
Or a tomato. Kirby loves tomatoes. Watermelons, actually. GLaDOS may be the most well-written, wittiest character on this list.
The masochistic operating system just loves to watch you suffer, sharing a ton of odd personal info along the way. It acts as a consistent antagonistic force in the Portal games, and is such a part of why the series is still beloved even though it hasn't released a new game in years.
Sephiroth may have shown us what a villain could be, but in light of this little bastard, his capacity for evil looks shriveled and small.
Goose can honk, he can drag, and he is an absolute menace—locking kids in phone booths, stealing garden tools, and above all else, causing noise pollution.
Goose is the embodiment of selfish, indulgent evil, and thus should claim his spot as one of the best gaming characters of all time.
Of course Link is on this list. Like Mario, he can't not be. Legend of Zelda redefined adventure games, yada yada, you get it, we all know all of this.
Personally, I like all of Link's different versions: edgelord in Twilight Princess , cute toy in the remake of Link's Awakening , and the wonderfully bright, artsy Link from Breath of the Wild.
Link stays silent Philips CD-i and lame cartoon notwithstanding , and therefore remains lovable. It was a toss-up between Dungeon Man and Buzz Buzz, but ultimately, we gave it to Dungeon Man, the man in EarthBound who turned himself into a dungeon.
Yes, it has a disturbing implication, but it's also one of the funniest and most memorable parts of the game. But nothing beats sitting face-to-computer-screen with Regis Philbin himself.
The host did his own voice acting for the Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Donkey Kong is my personal favorite Mario -verse character. So why isn't he on this list?
Because Funky Kong rides a motorcycle. Funky Kong is pretty much just Donkey Kong in sunglasses and jean cutoffs, and that makes him really, super, mega cool.
He is a role model to me. Anyway, Funky Kong is a great character. Even though he pretends to be on your side, this cocky, cruel son of a bitch screams maniacal tendencies from the start.
Albert's one of those villains who's addicting to watch, and you sorta root for him just because you want more of his blond '90s hair and Matrix attire.
But there are few primal fears in This American Life that are as terrifying as crossing a busy road. Reader, pour one out for Frogger.
The other characters on this list? All great! But more people smashed their index fingers into the belly of this sad, dumb bird than they did crying along with Ellie and Joel in The Last of Us.
Flappy Bird has been downloaded over 50 million times. It went viral. Has Donald Duck ever gone viral? Oh, here we go. I bet your hands are on fire.
In Kingdom Hearts 3 he saved my ass multiple times, and his ingredient-finding skills were imperative to my success.
Plus, Donald is apparently stronger than gods; a spell called ZettaFlare makes him more powerful than the strongest spellcaster in Final Fantasy, Bahamut, who is only known to cast up to Exaflare.
That's right, folks: Donald Duck, destroyer of gods. We love this big, bad dragon, man. She doesn't talk, she doesn't care, but she does kick your ass.
Rathian embodies what makes the Monster Hunter series so excellent, which is that massive monsters can wreck you in a few moves.
What are video games other than just excuses to fight dragons, anyway? Video games are about one thing above all else: punching.
Big punches. Huge punches. Strong punches. When a character's good at punching, they've mastered most of being a gaming character, at least according to an '80s Anglo-Catholic mother.
Axel stars in Streets of Rage , one of the most iconic games out there in the arcade beat-'em-up genre. Plus, he kills it with a beard in Streets 4.
But what really made Kratos earn his stripes face stripe? Hey, thought experiment for you. The sign of any truly good party is a limo pulling up with celebrity host Drew Carey.
The Sims taught me that if I learn how to throw a truly epic rager, Drew Carey will show up unannounced and eat my snacks.
If it wasn't clear already, I have an unhealthy obsession with great apes in video games. Donkey Kong, Funky Kong, and now Winston.
Winston is a smart scientist ape, though. Go get 'em, great ape. We stand beside you. The only thing more terrifying than the Centipede from Centipede?
Actual centipedes. Bear and bird. Bird and bear. The second-closest duo on this list, only beaten out by my co-writer Brady and myself. These guys do everything together and make each other better for it.
They finally got some resurgence with their inclusion in the latest Super Smash Bros. Your three best buddies are over for Guitar Hero night.
No one can do it. You suspect Billy was holding back tears at the end of his last try. You choose Slash as your character.
You realize that you already have. But the sugar helps. You do it. You pass. Billy goes home, the other two cheer. United States. Type keyword s to search.
Today's Top Stories. Join Esquire Select. Esquire's Best New Restaurants in America, The Onrushing Deluge of Republican Hypocrisy.
Advertisement - Continue Reading Below. Tony Hawk. Forgotten Nintendogs. Clementine and Lee. Solid Snake. Samus Aran.
The Ox from Oregon Trail. Mike Tyson. Bella Goth. Sticking with the fun villain theme started by our friend Mr. Spacey , we have the big baddie from Borderlands 2 coming in hot.
Look at this guy! No neck, no arms, no legs! That would be boring! Ninja Gaiden on the original Xbox is still one of the greatest action-adventure games ever made.
A work of Unlabored Flawlessness. This iconic purple dragon was always a little too cute for our taste. We still had to give him a nod. This guy is just a real go-getter, and you really have to admire that.
Ah, Deckard Cain. A character that embraces his archetype with a fervor unmatched in all of Sanctuary.
Or at least in all of Tristram. Where would we be without this guy? Zelda , a name all non-gamers can inexplicably recall.
Ah, we have yet another iconic character in this bald-head barcode boy. The man could clean up! In multiple senses of the word. We never could get over that long-legged split of his, holding himself up above enemies like that.
Sam Fisher is a real badass. He made for an excellent villain for our Hero of Oakvale , though! Who let all these animals out at once?
We love the honey bear. Do you see what we did here? Does everyone put Pikachu in the 25th slot? Bonnie MacFarlane is one of those special ingredients that helped make Red Dead Redemption such an exceptional game.
Except for when we had to wrangle her cattle spoiler alert. The intelligent, capable Cortana. Whether a ghost or a queen , Sarah Kerrigan is a force to be reckoned with.
Shout out to Starcraft , one of the greatest RTS games of all time. Talk about iconic villains. You just never know with this guy!
Talk about a bonafide bad-to-the-bone grub-smoker. Whether he was out of ammo or talking about how nice something was, he was always entertaining.
This iconic hero of a man was the original hand cannon. You gotta respect that. The iceman cometh.
This god of a man can body-paint like a beast! Get it? Get it?! Get Over Here! Early bird gets the worm, as they say, and few showed up earlier than Pacman.
We bestow upon this happy hungry circle the honorary 11th slot. Ahh, much better. We could go on…. Final Fantasy, baby. In every installment of the franchise, Geralt of Rivia got that much cooler.
Few characters have such unshakable confidence.